I was thinking about giving it a shot until I read what you were requesting.
#1. I am not catching your drift.
#2. Based on what I think you're asking. You will not get what you want. No one on this site is going to take the time, or even probably have the skills to alter a picture to such magnitude. It sounds like you want almost an entirely new picture.
#3. It's the opposite shape for a signature. Tall, instead of wide.
#4. I'm sorry for stomping on your hopes and dreams.
#5. Just wanted a #5 because it makes it look nice.
Could you give it a shot anyways? Whatever you were thinking is probably awesome.